Loss

 Loss is unimaginable. That moment your brain realizes life has changed forever. The sadness is overwhelming. The grief, pain, loneliness, love loss, and despair. 

How to push forward? I don't want to. I fight with you OH Lord, but you let me ramble until that moment you shut me down. My words, thoughts, and feelings are at a loss. Then you hold me and let my spirit wimper uncontrollably. 

Oh Lord you urge me to move closer and I don't. It's not that I don't believe in you or I don't love you....it's that frankly, I'm content in this misery.  I want my sweet husband back. I feel like I've loved him my whole life. 25 years is a long time.

One day we were talking about our future and the next breath he was gone. Life is fragile, handle with care, expect the unexpected. Don't plan! Take everyday and run with it.. Do something, go somewhere, hold hands, give the hugs, make the sweetest love.  Tomorrow can just stop coming.

Family say take 1 day at a time. It will all get better. 8 months has passed and I'm just as broken, just as lonely, and just as devastated as the first day. 

Will I survive? Will I forever be lonely? Will I die devastated? Will I move forward? I just breathe in and out everyday. That's all I have for now.

All my love,

Teresa