Grieving heart

 I really meant to blog yesterday and was disturbed to find out 2 of my sons are talking about my mental state. I was up all night, upset and hurt. They make me feel like I'm knocking on deaths door. I don't take any medications, I don't need them. I'm not 70 or 80.. I'm 57 OMG!!!  So, I've contacted a lawyer to make my will. Everything gets sold, house, vehicles,  all furniture and appliances.  Clothes go to habitat for humanity.  As far as my mental state.... power of attorney will go to a family member who doesn't  need my stuff.  I never thought my kids would look at what I have and decide..I'm crazy. If they chose to screw with me I'll sell it all now and move.. they'll get nothing!  Sorry Im Just ranting. 2021 was in college but Richies health and my work was just too much. I needed to help and love my husband. So I dropped out. Then he passed so sudden, I had no intentions of continuing with my education.  A few months ago I had this p...

 Loss is unimaginable. That moment your brain realizes life has changed forever. The sadness is overwhelming. The grief, pain, loneliness, love loss, and despair.  How to push forward? I don't want to. I fight with you OH Lord, but you let me ramble until that moment you shut me down. My words, thoughts, and feelings are at a loss. Then you hold me and let my spirit wimper uncontrollably.  Oh Lord you urge me to move closer and I don't. It's not that I don't believe in you or I don't love you....it's that frankly, I'm content in this misery.  I want my sweet husband back. I feel like I've loved him my whole life. 25 years is a long time. One day we were talking about our future and the next breath he was gone. Life is fragile, handle with care, expect the unexpected. Don't plan! Take everyday and run with it.. Do something, go somewhere, hold hands, give the hugs, make the sweetest love.  Tomorrow can just stop coming. Family say take 1 day at a time...